The “Illusion of Togetherness” and How It Impacts Our Work and Lives

Chelle Peterson
Three friends hanging out together

More connected and lonelier than ever before. 

That’s the great paradox in our modern culture: despite being more connected than ever via social media and technology, we’re lonelier than at any point in history. 

Consider these stats: 

This is all despite the increasing use of online social platforms and technology that keeps us forever talking to and connecting with other people. 

This phenomenon was dubbed the “illusion of togetherness” by Derek Thompson on an episode of the Plain English podcast. In it, he looks at the longest longitudinal study done in the US to find the keys to health and happiness. 

And just what is the secret? Relationships and connection with other people. Social fitness is a key predictor of lifelong health and happiness. 

Here we’ll look at the study and its findings and explore what it means in our workplace. We’ll wrap up with four tips to support your employees and build a strong, thriving work culture. 

What the Research Says About Happiness

Colorful bunch of balloons with smiley faces

In his podcast episode on the illusion of togetherness and happiness in America, Thompson interviewed Robert Waldinger and March Schulz. They’re co-authors of a new book, The Good Life, which pulls from key findings in a decades-long study of happiness in America. 

As director and associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, Waldinger and Schulz have unique insights into what makes people happy and healthy over time. 

Here’s what you need to know about the study: 

  • Timeline: It started in the late 1930s and followed a cohort of 268 men who entered college at that time. The study is still ongoing and now follows the children of the original participants as part of the second generation of the study.
  • Participants: The study was a combination of two others, one of which followed wealthy Harvard students and another that followed low-income men from families struggling through addiction, poverty, or other socioeconomic challenges. 
  • Methodology: This extremely thorough study followed participants for decades, through major life events like marriage, children, careers, challenges, addictions, and more. They used methods such as questionnaires, interviews, physical check-ups, brain scans, and home visits to collect data on participants over time. 
  • Key question: Unlike other studies of the time that typically look at what goes wrong, this study asked, what helps people thrive? 

So what does this all mean? Well, we’ve got an extremely robust study that showed people’s development over decades of time. 

Instead of looking at people’s happiness at a single point in time, this longitudinal study provides insights into how people change, grow, and develop. 

Because here’s the thing—you’re not “set” when you reach adulthood at 18. This study shows that people do change over time and you have a serious influence on your own life to impact future health and happiness. 

Social Fitness: What It Is and Why We Need It

People scrolling on their cell phones

There were and are ongoing conclusions and insights from the longitudinal study, but we’ll zoom into the key takeaway Schultz and Waldinger provided: social fitness is a key predictor of mental health, physical health, longevity, and overall happiness. 

So what is social fitness? Well, just like physical fitness, it’s something you exercise and develop over time. Social fitness refers to your overall connectedness to other people—relationships, communication, and experience with loneliness. 

Social fitness isn’t merely connectivity, though. 

If it were, we’d all be “socially fit” as we fill our lives with more and more technology. 

Rather, social fitness is your real-life connections. Your relationships with other people provide a sense of belonging, value, meaning, and purpose. 

It makes sense that increased social connection leads to more happiness—we love spending time with friends and family, after all. 

But the study also shows that social fitness has a positive impact on physical health and longevity. It can actually improve things like blood pressure, healing time, and lifespan. 

4 Tips for Social Fitness at Work

Social fitness is the key to a long, healthy, and happy life. It’s something that individuals can prioritize, yes, but there’s a role here for workplaces and leaders, too. 

Remote work and reliance on technology decreases our social fitness. We’re simply not interacting with others in ways that increase true connection or build relationships. Instead, we’re building the “illusion of togetherness” at work—always Slack-ing, emailing, or messaging, but perhaps never truly building connection. 

But if you want to build a strong work culture full of happy, healthy employees, social fitness should be top-of-mind. Here are four ways you can prioritize it in the workplace. 

1. Host In-Person Meetings

Colleagues meeting together

The most effective way to increase social fitness at work is to swap some of the online interactions for in-person ones. 

And the simplest way to do it is to encourage in-person meetings or gatherings. There are two general ways to do it: 

  • Host regular in-person meetings: If you have a hybrid team or a remote team in the same geographic area, consider hosting your regular meetings (i.e., weekly, monthly) in person. You can utilize bookable meeting rooms in a coworking space or a private office to make this happen. 
  • Host periodic team offsite meetings: If your team is fully remote and spread out geographically, consider hosting offsite in-person meetings or retreats. You can bring everyone together for a mix of work, fun, and team-building activities. It strengthens bonds and builds your collective social fitness. 

2. Utilize Diverse Workspaces

Many companies today are downsizing from large offices—there’s simply no need when many employees are remote or on a hybrid schedule. 

But most team members need to get out of the house, whether for those valuable in-person meetings or a change of scenery. 

Shared coworking spaces are a great option to facilitate in-person connections and mix up the daily routine for employees. Flexible workspaces offer spatial diversity—a mix of areas you can work in that suit what you need at that time. 

The Post, for example, offers: 

  • Open common areas such as lounges and a kitchen for when you want to connect with others
  • Private offices, dedicated desks, and phone booths for quiet, productive work
  • Shared coworking areas for collaboration and teamwork

Sitting at your home office desk or in a cubicle are work styles of the past. Today, there are more options—flexible workspaces are built to create connection and collaboration between like-minded professionals. 

3. Prioritize Work-Life Balance

Someone laying in a hammock looking at the lake

We know “work-life balance” is a bit of a buzzword these days, but that doesn’t make it any less important. Finding balance is key for social fitness because you need time outside of work to interact with other people! If you just interact with colleagues—especially only through a screen—you aren’t exercising your relationship-building muscle. 

This is the responsibility of both employees and employers. Employees need to set appropriate boundaries to respect their time off. They also need to find activities, groups, or social activities that foster community and connection. 

For their part, employers need to be aware of the demands and pressures their employees face. Honest conversations about workload, expectations, and how to support each other are essential for building a work culture that supports balance. 

If you want some more insights into creating work-life balance, check out some of our previous articles: 

4. Have Some Fun

Colleagues out at happy hour with beers

Last but not least, prioritize fun in the workplace. 

Social fitness is all about connection and relationships. And while you can build it through a work context, it’s often easier to do in a more relaxed and casual setting. 

As a workplace, you can foster social connections through: 

  • Events and activities
  • Regular lunches, coffee breaks, or happy hour gatherings
  • Company-sponsored sports team leagues

It doesn’t really matter what you do here, but infuse some fun and levity into the workplace. It’ll help colleagues foster connections with each other which, in turn, help them become happier, healthier, and overall more engaged in work.

The research is there—social fitness is key to lifelong health and happiness. Luckily there are things we can do in the workplace to foster this and support employees’ overall well-being. 

And if you’re looking for a supportive professional environment to foster connections, you’ll find it at The Post. Book a tour of The Post today.