December is upon us once again, and 2023 is just around the corner.
Like many people, you may be looking to set your New Year’s Resolutions, determined to make the coming year your year.
But the truth is that a lot of resolutions fail, even after the first few weeks.
Here we’ll look at the reasons why many New Year’s Resolutions fail and offer a new perspective on how to approach your goals in 2023 through increased self-awareness.
Why New Year’s Resolutions Fail
We all know the common new year’s tropes—busy gyms, shopping carts full of veggies, and new agendas brimming with to-do lists.
We also know that most of those gyms empty out, carrots are replaced by chips, and agendas collect dust on your desk.
But why do New Year’s Resolutions so often fail?
Some common reasons include:
- Biting off more than you can chew and setting goals that are too challenging or extreme.
- Finding the intense pressure of this time of the year to be too much.
- Setting the wrong types of goals for your current situation.
- Lacking accountability to your goals by trying to do it by yourself.
- Trying to “wing it” instead of building a plan.
All of these are legitimate reasons why New Year’s resolutions often fail.
But there’s another reason that speaks more to your personality and motivation: how you respond to expectations.
The Four Tendencies Framework is useful for understanding why some people struggle with keeping their New Year’s Goals and others don’t. In short, each person has a unique way of responding to inner and outer expectations:
- An inner expectation is something like a New Year’s Resolution—a goal you set for yourself.
- An outer expectation is what other people want you to accomplish, such as meeting a deadline.
In the four tendencies framework, there are four types of people, based on how they respond to each:
- Upholders: This group responds easily to both outer and inner expectations. Upholders will keep their New Year’s resolutions easily because they meet all expectations before them.
- Questioners: This group will question all expectations, only meeting one if it makes sense to them to do so. They want to know “why” and will only comply when there’s a satisfactory answer. Questioners will keep their New Year’s resolutions only when they’re deeply convinced it’s worth it.
- Obligers: This group comprises of people who easily meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet their own. Obligers may struggle to keep their New Year’s resolutions without any kind of external accountability.
- Rebels: This group resists all expectations, both inner and outer. Rebels may not even like the idea of New Year’s resolutions because it restricts their freedom.
The four tendencies framework is just one of many other personality-based tools to help you know yourself better.
The more you understand your own motivations and personality, the easier it is to set yourself up for success with your New Year’s resolutions or any meaningful goal or ambition.
A New Approach to Your Goals in 2023
Because so many New Year’s resolutions fail—for the many reasons discussed above—it might be time for a new approach.
Instead of focusing on a big change that happens at a single point in time, try to set yourself on the right track with manageable and sustainable goals.
If you aren’t sure where to start with the types of goals to set, you might want to look at some of our past resources:
- Realistic Work-Life Balance Goals to Strive For
- Using a Small Business Roadmap to Achieve Your Goals
- What’s Your “Big Game?” Why You Need One and How to Define It
- Why You Need a Career Development Plan [And How to Build One]
After you have your goals in mind, it’s time to create a plan to achieve them.
The four tendencies framework provides some meaningful insight into how to do this. So, pause here and take a moment to discover your tendency.
From there, you can better understand how to set yourself up for success. Here are some tips for keeping your New Year’s Resolutions (or, realistic and sustainable life goals!) based on each of the four tendencies:
Upholders
Because they readily respond to all expectations, most Upholders like the idea of New Year’s Resolutions. They find it easy to keep their commitments to both themselves and other people, so it’s a great chance to work on their goals.
Here are some tips for upholders:
- Remember the purpose behind your goals so you don’t get too caught up in trying to be “perfect.”
- Try not to take on too much at once so you don’t burn out.
- Reflect on areas you need to push yourself and areas you might need to slow down in.
Questioners
Most Questioners are good at keeping resolutions they make for themselves because it’s important to them. They might, however, not agree with starting on January 1, since it’s an arbitrary date.
They are also unlikely to follow through with goals or resolutions that other people place on them. It’s important for a Questioner to understand the “why” of something and make a commitment themself.
Here are some tips for Questioners:
- Do your research before jumping into a goal so you have all your questions answered.
- Explore the “why” and the meaning behind the goal to make sure it aligns with what you want.
- Choose a starting point that works for you—it doesn’t have to be the new year!
Obligers
Unlike the first two, Obligers can really struggle with New Year’s Resolutions or any type of personal goal. They struggle to meet inner expectations and often feel discouraged by past failures. This might prevent them from making any type of goal or resolution, knowing it “won’t stick.”
The answer for Obligers is, arguably, the easiest—set outer accountability. Since they readily respond to outer expectations, this will help them stay on track.
Here are some tips for Obligers:
- Have “skin in the game” by investing money and time into your goal.
- Get around other people by signing up for a class or accountability group.
- Ask someone in your life to partner with you in your goals.
Rebels
This last group doesn’t like any type of expectations put on them. For that reason, they might rebel at the very thought of setting goals or resolutions.
Rebels want to do things their way in their own time. To successfully keep their goals, Rebels need to incorporate them into their identity.
Here are some tips for Rebels:
- See it as a challenge and “prove” other people wrong.
- Remind yourself of who you want to be. For example, if you have a goal to be healthier, don’t try to set specific eating habit goals. Instead, remind yourself that you’re someone who is healthy and makes good decisions. Ask, “what would a healthy person choose for lunch today?”
By aligning your goals with your personality type, you can create a sustainable strategy that works in the long term.
Each person is going to approach goals differently because there’s no one-size-fits-all approach! Refusing to acknowledge how your mind and motivations work differently from someone else can lead to frustrations and plenty of failed New Year’s Resolutions.
This year, spend some time getting to know yourself and your motivations better so you can make a realistic and sustainable plan to meet your goals.
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